waiting

I heard it said that waiting is an inactive as a water molecule is devoid of microbes. Meaning that waiting is active. I also heard it said that casting your care on the Lord is not a gentle toss with a bungie cord attached to the care so that it comes back to you. Its an aimed hurl...think of a baseball pitcher. That care is far gone if ridded of properly.

So I am actively waiting, and hurling my cares with deliberate aim at the One Who Knows my end from these middle places.

Babies

So now I am thinking about babies. Probably due to the fact that I get to attend two showers this weekend that are celebrating two women that I love a whole lot. I am nearly dancing with anticipation to see those brand new girl children.

New babies are full of glory. They are so still in their deep sleep. What are they dreaming of? When you catch their gaze and they stare so unsmilingly, what are their thoughts? I always look forward to hearing the sound of their voices. Feeling the solid weight of their heads as they finally fall into sleep on my shoulder is a joy. It seems to me that we who are grown up have this incredibly important, never ceasing charge to communicate in every way given to us that love is worth what it costs. that you can trust people. that taking risks is the fun part of living. that every single grief will be comforted, in time. that life is good.

a snowy day

If there is a lion in a pit and it could just sorta eventually drop dead is there a moral advantage to jump in and kill it right away? Like, could you drum up enough motivation to leap in with a spear and kill it? What if its snowy? Would you call that courage or impatience? Or obedience?

Benaiah killed a lion in a pit on a snowy day. Ever since I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer God gave me that story to ponder. And it has been the single most pushing, shoving, forcing thought given me. At times I have nearly felt His hands on my back, tipping me off the edge into that pit. Sometimes the lion was my dread of a procedure. Sometimes it was initiating conversations about a need I had. Or staring down what the future holds.

I don't know why God added that snow detail. Right now I am snowed in at a hotel in Omaha, awaiting a scan in the morning. How interesting that I drove through a snow storm to get here this morning. How blamed interesting. And right now I could kill that lion with my own bare hands.